So, the other day, blog sensei had this link posted to an article up on Time Out New York: The things you gotta do before you can call yourself a real New Yorker.

So, it’s all in fun and I click on the link and start reading through the article.

About two pages in, I find myself getting really, really mad (yeah, that’s me... the world’s angriest man – hello, Mr. Furious). So, I’m trying to figure out what it is that’s p**sing me off. I don’t read Time Out so, I’m trying to figure out it’s slant.

Then, I realize what it is. What I find upsetting is the whole ‘take a test’ to call yourself a real New Yorker thing. I know it’s tongue in cheek but, I also know that there are more than a few people who will be making the rounds at parties over the next several weeks and bragging about how they scored.

Nevermind, the whole thing has this real, transplanted, lily-white New York experience thing all over it. Like New York is this f**king theme park you come to visit.

These people are the reason getting an apartment is so g***amn expensive in this city. Mommy and daddy pay for the big rent as 3 or 4 junior achiever morons cram themselves in a hole in the wall.

You want to call yourself a true New Yorker? Try these on:

Work at least one holiday feeding the poor.

Remember the ‘city’ is five boroughs, not just Manhattan. There is more to Queens than the two airports, more to Brooklyn than the area between Park Slope and Williamsburg, more to the Bronx than Yankee Stadium and the Zoo, more to Staten Island than the Ferry.

Work for a city agency at some point in your life. Not because you want the experience but, because it’s a decent job with good benefits.

Marvel at how Friends looks like it really could be any other city in the United States excepting New York.

Run down some contemptible piece of crap who’s just ripped off one of the idiots who has moved here and is trying to validate the experience by taking a test in Time Out magazine.

Never, I repeat never set foot in some of the finest museums or monuments the city has to offer because you are way to busy trying to survive.

Have someone put a gun to your head to rob you and have them walk away with nothing because you wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of taking what is yours.

Go by the neighborhood your parents or grandparents lived in when they first arrived in this country and be proud at how far your family has come.

Spend a good portion of your day, trying to help absolute strangers because they are overwhelmed by Manhattan or in trouble.

Drive a cab for a couple of years (and speak English to boot).

Visit some other part of the country and have the people there amazed over the fact that you are a “New Yorker” and consequently bombard you with all types of inane questions about living there as if it were some kind of incredible curiousity.

Have at least one childhood friend who became a cop or fireman.

Anyway, that’s just a few for you... I just had to get that out, you’ll excuse me.